WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

"Yes" = No

"No" = Yes

"Maybe" = No

"I'm sorry". = You'll be sorry.

"We need" = I want

"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to.

"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

"You're ... so manly" = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs.

"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house.

"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...

"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep.

"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not
going to like.

"I'll be ready in a minute". = Kick off your shoes and find a good game
on T.V.

"You have to learn to communicate." = Just agree with me.

"Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead.]

"I'm not yelling!" = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.



Men's English:

"I'm hungry." = I'm hungry.

"I'm sleepy." = I'm sleepy.

"I'm tired."  = I'm tired.

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with
you.

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with
you.

"Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.

"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?

"I love you." = Let's have sex now.

"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.

"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep
person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex
with other guys.

(while shopping) "I like that one better." = Pick any freaking' dress
and let's go home!